


you maniac!

by kyuniverse



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Developing Relationship, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, Falling In Love, Getting Back Together, I Tried, M/M, Making Out, Strangers to Lovers, Unhealthy Relationships, sorry in advance, this fic is 3 in 1 lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:02:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28997949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyuniverse/pseuds/kyuniverse
Summary: All Juyeon wanted was to be in love and live the rest of his life in bliss and kisses. Unfortunately for him, his unaffectionate boyfriend and a cheeky stranger-turned-saviour seem to have other plans.
Relationships: Choi Chanhee | New/Lee Juyeon, Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Lee Juyeon
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	you maniac!

**Author's Note:**

> welcome, deobi ao3, to the product of many not-listening-in-class-because-i-was-writing-this days. this is the first time i ever did something like this and hopefully i have written this as well as i imagined this. just a few notes before we get started:
> 
> a. this is inspired by a lot of things, mainly the demo version of red velvet's psycho, conan gray's maniac and chanhee's "sometimes tears work" stealer trick  
> b. wjsn's eunseo plays a minor role in this story and her real name, son juyeon, is occasionally mentioned. please don't confuse it with lee juyeon!  
> c. this is first posted on my wattpad account, so no i didn't steal this piece of, uh, stuff  
> d. if the plot and the first few parts are familiar to you, that might be because i posted this early 2020 under a tbz pairing. 
> 
> feedback and constructive criticism is always appreciated! you can hmu on my twitter (@nyuthings)

Juyeon has always been told that he can be quite a doormat. Usually, he swats those words away, laughing at the people who deem him as such while saying that _you just don’t know me enough._ Those people — some of them are even his closest friends — will just shrug, and what’s funny is that almost all of them have the same answer.

“Maybe I know you more than yourself. Juyeon, stop letting yourself be stepped on every single time.”

It’s not true. Juyeon isn’t a doormat! He can fight and stand up for himself if he wants to, right? He looks at the time on his phone. _8 P.M._

_Right._

It’s a rainy Saturday night. The restaurant that he is in is filled with people having dinner peacefully — too crowded for a small place at such a late time, but who is Juyeon to complain when he is there for the same reason as well? It’s very cold, and Juyeon rubs his hands once in a while to warm himself up. He can feel his nose freezing and it doesn’t help that the restaurant’s air conditioner is blasting on its highest temperature. On top of that, he forgot his jacket at his room and had to settle with only his thin long sleeves and jeans shielding him from the cold.

_Stupid._

He can’t help but curse at himself for forgetting to bring a jacket, but it’s his own fault why he is freezing to death, anyway. Chanhee’s “ _let’s eat dinner together tonight_ ” text at seven in the evening made him so excited that he left his thick, warm jacket on top of his bed.

Although Juyeon already ate his dinner and was about to go to sleep _(quite early, he knows, but he has been pulling all nighters for the past week so he’s making up for his lack of sleep),_ he sprung up from his bed to rush to his boyfriend and their usual date place. You can’t really blame Juyeon — Chanhee practically ghosted him for a week now (but Juyeon doesn’t really want to acknowledge that) so imagine his surprise and happiness when his _baby_ finally announced his presence.

You see, Juyeon is head over heels in love with his boyfriend, who he started dating a few months ago. He met Chanhee at the start of the school year when they both attended the meeting for potential student council members. What stuck in Juyeon’s mind when he watched the younger sit beside him for two hours is his sweet smile and laugh, a bit high-pitched at times but nonetheless adorable. Put that alongside the angelic voice that captivated him when he heard the other sing outside the glee clubroom and Juyeon found himself falling.

Chanhee is his gay — _bisexual?_ — awakening that went on to become Juyeon’s first boyfriend. It’s his first serious relationship after Sihyun back in high school, and even if he’s still grasping the basics of being in a relationship after years, Juyeon is determined to make this work.

Juyeon’s happiness slowly decreases and is replaced with worry when the clock’s hour hand pointed at 9. Chanhee is already two hours late, but Juyeon tried to shrug it off. He will come. _Chanhee will come._ Juyeon assures himself. After all, Chanhee is late in most (if not all) of their dates. Juyeon is already used to it.

_‘Chanhee won’t let me down, would he?’_ Juyeon asks himself thirty minutes later. He takes a look at the window and sees the rain starting to get heavier. _‘No, he’s probably stuck in traffic. It’s raining, after all.’_

It’s a lie. Juyeon’s only lying to himself. He knows it, but he refuses to acknowledge it. Chanhee’s apartment is only a few blocks away from the restaurant, and the last thing he probably worries about right now is traffic.

_Stupid, stupid._

9 P.M. turns into 10 P.M., and the people in the restaurant started getting less and less, but Juyeon is determined to stay. The restaurant is open until 1 A.M. anyway, and he already ordered something small to reassure the staff that he’s not just some college student leeching off the restaurant’s free WiFi.

He doesn’t know how many times he already checked his phone, looking for any messages from Chanhee that he may have overlooked earlier. The pitiful looks from almost everyone in the restaurant seem to sting, and Juyeon tries to not let his heart be affected by the hushed whispers of some talking about his misfortune.

And then his phone finally lights up because of a message notification.

**From: chanhee ♡ (10:23 PM)**

_sorry i couldn’t make it, babe. changmin suddenly arrived and invited me for some drinks. u know how rare this is because of his schedule, right?_

Juyeon’s breath hitches. The chattering of the people seated on the table beside him is quite loud, but the sound of his heart shattering overpowered it.

**To: chanhee ♡ (10:23 PM)**

_yes, i understand. I just wished you informed me earlier. i’ve been waiting here for hours._

**From: chanhee ♡ (10:27 PM)**

_god, are you upset again? it’s not my fault you are still there. go home._

**To: chanhee ♡ (10:28 PM)**

_i’m sorry. I’ll head home now. don’t forget to not drink much. you have an exam tomorrow @ 8. have fun! :D_

A happy face at the end of the message, even if he is not happy at all. Why is this becoming a usual occurrence?

**From: chanhee ♡ (10:35 PM)**

_i can take care of myself. i’ll just make it up to you next time, baby. love u._

Juyeon takes note of how Chanhee can’t even type him a proper “I love you”. He tries to ignore it. It’s the thought that counts, anyway. Chanhee loves him, and Juyeon loves him back. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

Maybe the others were right. Maybe Juyeon really _is_ a doormat.

Juyeon sighs and tries his best to not physically show how much he’s aching to break down right now. He can feel his eyes water and he scolds himself for being so _goddamn_ sensitive. God, he is so pathetic. He spent his time waiting for someone to come, only to find out that his three hours of waiting went to waste because of an invitation to get drunk with the best friend.

Best fucking friend. Changmin spends more time with Chanhee than the actual boyfriend and Juyeon doesn’t know if he should feel worried or what.

He gathers his things and takes a last sip of his iced tea. _Time to go home._

“Sorry I took so long, babe. The project took longer than I expected.”

The seat in front of Juyeon was instantly occupied by a guy with fawn brown-colored hair. Juyeon stares at the newcomer. He is not Chanhee, and he’s not someone Juyeon has ever seen before either.

The stranger leans forward and whispers, “I’m Hyunjae. I’m here to save you so can you play along?”

He falls back on his chair and in a voice loud enough for the people near them to hear, he picks up the menu and says, “Order what you want and I’ll pay for it. I’m really sorry, babe.”

Juyeon, albeit shocked with the sudden turn of events, catches up and gives Hyunjae a nod. “It’s fine. I got distracted texting Eric, anyway.”

“That’s nice. I still feel horrible for making you wait though.”

Hyunjae gives him a bright smile, and Juyeon finds himself smiling as well.

When the last of the people staring at them finally looked away, Hyunjae puts down the menu. “Cheer up. Whoever stood you up is a douche, but good thing you have someone as handsome and confident as me to save you.” He said that with much confidence and even winked that Juyeon can’t help but chuckle.

“That’s more like it.” Hyunjae gives him a small thumbs up. He looks at Juyeon’s plate, empty if not for some hints of sandwich crumbs lining the center of the ceramic plate. “Are you fine with steak? I don’t think eating bread can be considered a dinner. Don’t worry, I’m paying.”

“Wait, you don’t have to!” Juyeon disagrees. “You already saved me from the humiliation. Let me pay.”

“Lee Juyeon, you don’t need to. You don’t have to.”

Juyeon blinks. “How did you know my name?”

“Club presidents’ meeting last month. Lee Hyunjae. I substituted for our sick theatre club leader that day.”

Juyeon’s cheeks turn pink because of the embarrassment of not recognizing the other boy. He voices out his apologies which Hyunjae only mindlessly waves away in return. He told him that it’s fine since Hyunjae never really made his presence known during the meeting anyway.

As Hyunjae motions for a waiter to come and get their order, Juyeon takes the chance to properly look at the guy who just basically saved his life. He doesn’t look like someone who will harm Juyeon or scam him the moment they step out of the restaurant. He looks… _nice_ . It’s hard to explain, but Juyeon’s _stranger danger_ alarms don't ring in his head.

Hyunjae is handsome, he has to admit, with his wavy almost-blonde hair and perfectly-structured nose. There’s a hint of playfulness whenever he talks, which almost becomes non-existent because Hyunjae is affected by the cold as well. The older is wearing a white polo and a thin black-and-gold-cardigan. Juyeon assumes it’s some kind of uniform for the former’s club, seeing as how he once spotted his other friend, Jacob, sporting the same clothing.

Juyeon wonders how he managed to not remember someone like Hyunjae before. Now don’t get him wrong, Hyunjae may be breathtaking, but Juyeon is not attracted to him the same way he is to Chanhee. “Love at first sight” is bullshit, especially if you are already in love with someone else.

Upon finalizing their orders, the waiter bowed to both of them before leaving. Hyunjae turns to him and puts his chin above his hand. ‘Confident’ seems to be one of the man’s strongest traits.

With a sweet smile, Hyunjae asks him, “Who do I have to beat up?”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” Hyunjae shrugs. “Who’s this guy that left you here all alone? Or is it a girl? Don’t worry, these hands are rated E for everyone.”

Juyeon lets out a laugh. It’s genuine. “No need for violence. Chanhee didn’t mean to ditch me.”

At the back of his head, Juyeon can hear his friends’ collective voices. _Yeah, Juyeon. Continue making excuses for your lame excuse of a boyfriend._

“Really? He didn’t mean to ditch you? For what, three hours?” Hyunjae raises a brow, and Juyeon obviously flinches at the impact of the other’s words. The older noticed it and sighs, frowning. “Never mind. Shouldn’t have brought that up. How long have you been in the dance club?”

Juyeon beams at the change of topic. “Since freshman year.”

Dinner with Hyunjae is comfortable and distracting. For a moment, Juyeon had forgotten that he was there because he got stood up by his boyfriend. In just a span of an hour, Juyeon had already been captivated with the boy who saved him. Hyunjae is great and sweet and funny and charming — Juyeon would have certainly fallen for him if he wasn’t too hung up on Chanhee. He can tell that Hyunjae (who he learns is actually named Jaehyun) tries his best not to make him feel awkward, and he mentions that he has been watching Juyeon ever since he arrived and when he left with Juyeon still alone, he decided to come back and save him.

_(“Did I sound like a creep?” Hyunjae winced. “Sorry, I just… I know how it feels and you seem like a nice guy so why not help, right?”_

_Juyeon, who has long since got used to others and even him pitying himself, waves him off. “No, you didn’t seem like one. Don’t worry about it.”)_

Juyeon appreciates Hyunjae’s help, so it’s no wonder that he gave him his phone number when Hyunjae asked for it. Just a small thank you gift for the older being one heck of a great company.

And that’s when their interaction ended.

Juyeon has been busy with school and he assumes Hyunjae also is, because after that night, they never talked again. Hyunjae never texted him, and Juyeon is too shy and prideful to text the other first. In the week that passed, Juyeon hoped that Hyunjae would reach out to him first, because he really wants to be close friends with the guy.

He looks at his phone, where a message is still waiting to be seen ever since he sent it this morning.

**To: chanhee ♡ (11:02 AM)**

_are you free tonight? let’s meet up._

It is also worth mentioning that in the week that had passed, Chanhee never stayed true to his promise of making up to Juyeon.

“Something bothering you, Ju?” Younghoon snaps him out of his thoughts.

“Hm? Nothing. Just thinking about the exam I’m taking later.”

His friend only nods. They continue to eat their food in comfortable silence. Younghoon is quiet because he’s texting with someone, probably making moves with the cheerleader he has been talking about for _days_ , while Juyeon returns to his textbook while still eating. He is great at multitasking, and his friends always express how jealous they are of him because of that, especially Eunseo.

“Oh, this reminds me.” Eunseo looks up from her phone. “What happened with that Hyunjoo dude? Did he text you already?”

Juyeon shakes his head. “Nope. Still no news from him. Haven’t seen him around campus either. And it’s Hyunjae, Juyeon 2. _Jae._ ”

“You’re the uglier Juyeon, so you should be Juyeon 2.” Eunseo makes a face. “Just call me Eunseo. Younghoon is too stupid to not confuse us with each other.”

“I heard that.”

The girl ignores their still-busy friend and instead sternly looks at Juyeon. “How about your boyfriend? I haven’t seen him these days. Did he take you out in exchange of letting you wait?”

Juyeon shakes his head again. “Apart from his text about not bothering him this week because he is busy, I haven’t heard anything from him either. Never even saw him in person.”

“That’s such a contrast to the Chanhee who walks you to school and clings onto your arm during sophomore year.”

Juyeon thinks it’s weird that Chanhee doesn’t even bother to show himself for weeks now. The campus isn’t that small, but it isn’t that big either for him to not even see a glimpse of his boyfriend in school. He tried asking Changmin, but the dancer only told him to understand Chanhee because the latter has been very busy with school — classes, glee club, council.

It’s a pretty shitty excuse, honestly. Did Changmin forget that Juyeon is also a member — even the _vice president_ — of the council? And as far as Juyeon can remember, they don’t have any events to prepare because of the upcoming exams.

Juyeon doesn’t like to think that Chanhee already broke up with him by ghosting him. No, Chanhee is too sweet and kind for that. He still believes that the younger is just busy, but with his friends constantly telling him otherwise, Juyeon can’t help but be worried about the future of their relationship.

“You know, if I were you I’d dump him already.” Younghoon finally tears his eyes away from the phone. “I told you right from the start. Chanhee isn’t the type to settle for a _serious_ relationship. Dump him before he dumps you, Ju. That’ll hurt less.”

“I don’t want to. Maybe he’s just really busy…”

Eunseo frustratedly plants both of her hands on the table. “Oh for fucks’ sake! I’m a club leader too, I have a girlfriend too, and I take academics seriously too, but do you see me hiding from you for _weeks_? No! I still find time to hang out with you guys so if I can do it, then that two-faced jerk can do it as well!”

“Hey, calm down.” Younghoon guides the younger back to her seat the same time Juyeon lets out a quiet “It isn’t nice to call Chanhee that”.

Eunseo looks at him dead in the eye. “You’re such a doormat. A simp. A fucking martyr. I can’t wait for the day I get to tell you that _I told you so_.”

“Jesus Christ, Son Juyeon. Fucking calm down!” Younghoon finally succeeds in making Eunseo shut up.

Juyeon isn’t a doormat. He’s just a person in love, willing to do and endure anything if it means keeping the relationship he treasures for so long.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

The oldest of the three snaps his fingers, catching the other two’s attention. “Eunseo has a point though. How long has it been since you last saw Chanhee? Two weeks?”

“Three weeks.” Juyeon silently corrects him, and the look of disappointment in Younghoon’s face became even more visible.

“I know I have no say in your relationship but Ju, this isn’t normal! You can’t just leave your lover in the dark without even any texts for _weeks_! He doesn’t look like he truly loves you. I’m not dictating you to do this, but you better dump him before he dumps you.”

“That’s what I’m trying to say!” Eunseo chirps.

Being with Chanhee was something Juyeon had longed for far so long. Right from the moment the younger smiled at him Juyeon knew that he _has_ to spend the rest of his life with Chanhee. It took him a lot of pinning, a lot of manning up, a lot of courage and confidence and confession attempts to get the boy with the blonde hair and the shy heartwarming hugs. Juyeon must be stupid to give up everything all because Chanhee can't even text or meet up with him. A relationship requires patience. Chanhee is just busy, and Juyeon is willing to be patient and wait for him.

He's not a martyr. He's just a sensible person not easily swayed by negative _what if's_.

“I’ll give him one last chance.” Juyeon says so that his friends can finally stop meddling with his lovelife. “If he still doesn’t reach out to me before Sunday, I’ll break up with him. Okay?”

“Make it until Wednesday only.” Eunseo bargains.

“Sunday.”

“Friday?”

“Sunday.”

“Fine.” Eunseo slumps to her seat, defeated.

“Let’s change the topic.” Younghoon announces. “Do you guys have any classes on Saturday, late afternoon?”

Eunseo shakes her head, as well as Juyeon. “Why’d you ask?”

Younghoon just grins, holding his phone high in the air as if it’s some bottle of champagne. “Party at my place! Let’s get wasted before the exams.”

* * *

**From: chanhee ♡ (9:39 PM)**

_i don’t think i can come. changmin is panicking bc of a project rn and i need to be here for emotional support. sorry, babe._

Saturday came faster than Juyeon expected. Nothing unusual happened the past few days. He still hasn’t seen Chanhee, he still hasn’t heard from him, he still hasn’t received any messages from Hyunjae, and he still hasn’t convinced his professor to round his essay score from an 89.98 to 90.

He swirls the… liquid inside the red plastic cup that Eunseo handed him. It’s half-empty not because he drank some, but because one of the party-goers bumped into him while playing beer pong.

When Kim Younghoon throws a party, expect to see a _party_. His friend is a total party animal — a trait that one cannot easily infer because of the “the responsible friend” vibes he gives. There are drinks, of course, but there are also drugs and people making out at almost every corner of the place. It’s wild, really. The whole thing is wild.

Usually, Juyeon is down for getting blackout drunk and living the best of his college life. But knowing that Chanhee ditched a party — that Juyeon knows is something the younger _rarely_ does — to stay behind with his best friend is leaving him a bad taste in his mouth. He knows he is just being paranoid and a bit hypocritical, because Juyeon will definitely do the same if it was Younghoon or Eunseo meeting an academic deadline, but he misses him. Juyeon misses Chanhee.

“Hyung! Why are you still not having fun?!” Haknyeon shouts amidst the loud music, approaching him with his own plastic cup in his hand. Upon closer look, Juyeon can see the boy’s messy hair and swollen lips — things that are also obvious at the slightly-tanned boy Haknyeon is dragging. Juyeon definitely doesn’t want to know what happened that made the two look like that.

Screw that, he already knows.

“This is so suffocating!” Juyeon shouts back, pertaining to the puffs of smoke lingering in the air. _Why are Younghoon-hyung's smoke detectors not detecting all of these cigarettes yet?_ “If you find Eunseo, tell her I went outside.”

Haknyeon lazily smiles before nodding. “Okay! Have fun!”

Juyeon squeezes his way out of the door, only to be blocked by some freshmen eating each other’s faces. He pushes them away from the door, clicking his tongue disappointedly at how they’re still so young yet are already doing something as daring as that. They should’ve waited until sophomore year, like what he and Chanhee did. He finally exits the loud apartment and he lets out a sigh of relief. He tries to inhale plenty of fresh air as much as he could before he goes back to the weed-smelling hell hole.

His unseen message of _“okay, tell changmin i wish him good luck. i love you!”_ sent to Chanhee greets him the moment he opens his phone. Scrolling through their conversation, Juyeon can feel his heart ache. He just wants to feel Chanhee dote on him again. To cling onto him 24/7 again. To shower him with kisses again. Is that too much to ask? Did he do anything wrong for Chanhee to act so distant around him?

“Why aren’t you inside?”

“Fuck!” Juyeon clumsily loses grip of his phone when he hears a voice beside him. Luckily, his other hand managed to catch it before it is too late. Juyeon turns around and behind him is the person that he has been waiting for for the past three weeks. Hyunjae smiles at Juyeon the same way he first smiled at him when they met back at the restaurant.

“Hey there. It’s nice to see you again, huh?” Hyunjae starts and Juyeon can only give him a small wave. “Yes?”

“Back to the question, why aren’t you inside partying with the others?”

Juyeon stares at Hyunjae, noticing the older’s hair slightly disheveled than the last time he had seen him. The black and gold cardigan is still there, but it’s hanging neatly on his arm. Hyunjae is both edgy and soft, with his leather jacket partnered with a white turtleneck and a really obvious blush on his cheeks. Looks like someone has been drinking.

“Could ask you the same thing, but to answer your question: I’m not really in the mood to party right now.” Juyeon answers.

The brunette only nods, as if he already knows the reason why Juyeon is unable to have fun right now. “Same. There are too many minors there, the fuck.”

A chuckle escapes from Juyeon’s lips. He looks back to the highschoolers that were playing beer pong in the lawn. Did Younghoon even bother checking who came?

“Never expected to see you here.”

“Me neither.” Hyunjae mutters. “Younghoon invited you over?”

“Wait, you know hyung?”

The older laughs lightly. “Know? That dude’s practically my brother. We’ve been friends since we were in 2nd grade.”

“I… never knew that.”

“I have been very busy this year with, you know, school and family matters. Barely hang out with him anymore, though we still chat every other day.”

“That’s cool.”

Lame way to terminate the conversation, Juyeon knows. The small talk died down and he stared at his shoes, closing his eyes to take some sort of rest. Honestly? He wants to ask Hyunjae why he never bothered asking for his number when he didn’t even text him, but Juyeon’s afraid that the older may deem him as clingy if he asks. But Hyunjae is too nice of a person for Juyeon to not be friends with, so he swallows his pride and takes a deep breath, preparing to voice out the question that has been slightly bugging him for days. Before he can even talk, Hyunjae already opened his mouth. “I’m sorry I never texted you. I had to buy a new phone when I accidentally threw my old one into the bathtub.”

He looks at him. “...Bathtub?”

“It’s embarrassing actually. Please don’t ask any more questions.”

“Alright.” He replies, smiling. “Do you want to have my number again or never mind?”

Juyeon fails to notice Hyunjae’s drunk blush getting more saturated. “I do.”

And then the night resumes, more fun this time.

The both of them quickly catched up with each other, continuing the conversation they had from the restaurant and telling each other what happened to them during the past weeks. Juyeon feels himself smile widely at having created a new friend in the form of Hyunjae. The older gives off the same vibes that he always feels whenever he’s around Younghoon or Eunseo — solace. He finds it easy to confide in the older and have hour-long talks with him. He feels _so_ comfortable around him.

Although Juyeon’s friends are not in their most wonderful states right now, with Eunseo being shit-faced and Younghoon tipsy as hell with lipstick marks all over his neck, Juyeon still tries to introduce Hyunjae to them (specifically to Eunseo since Younghoon already knows Hyunjae). When Juyeon told them that Hyunjae was the one who helped him a few weeks ago, Younghoon only made a surprised Pikachu face, saying that _“I didn’t know that was you!”_ while Eunseo immediately passed out two seconds after shaking Hyunjae’s hand.

Juyeon lays down on his bed that night feeling contented, bringing home newly-created memories and a phone number saved properly in his contacts.

* * *

  
  
  


The sun looks exceptionally bright today.

It’s pretty. Chanhee is pretty.

“Is there something on my face?”

Juyeon only chuckles. Without any warning, he puts his hand on the boy’s cheek and seals the distance between them with a short kiss. “I just can’t believe you’re with me right now.” He whispers against the other’s lips when they parted.

Chanhee whines, so soft and tiny that Juyeon can’t help but kiss him again. _God,_ Juyeon is really deeply in love with this boy.

The younger traces Juyeon’s features with his slim finger and, in a pouting voice, mutters, “How long has it been since we last spent time with each other?”

“One month.” He tries not to let disappointment lace his answer, but Juyeon isn’t really the best at masking his emotions.

His boyfriend sighs. “I’m sorry, baby. I have a lot on my plate these days.”

“I understand. I just felt... really lonely when you were gone.”

“Oh, baby.” Chanhee cups his face, making the older face him. Chanhee’s lips are settled in between a pout and a frown, eyes getting teary, and Juyeon wants to hurt himself for being the reason why his lover is like this. “I really wanna spend time with you too… but I can’t. Trust me, I didn’t want to leave you like this. I will _never_ want to leave you like this.”

To hear Chanhee’s voice breaking because of regret and devastation makes Juyeon feel horrible. He curses at himself for ruining the mood. After all, it really isn’t Chanhee’s fault. The boy is busy. With what? Juyeon doesn’t know. He doesn’t deserve to know, anyway. Seeing Chanhee like this, so vulnerable and full of love for Juyeon makes him realize that everything is _his_ fault.

The barrier that Juyeon thought is slowly ruining their relationship is non-existent at all. Every worry and fear he has for their future was just because Juyeon didn’t trust Chanhee enough. Chanhee loves him, he can feel it. The lack of time for him does not lessen that love. It doesn’t prove anything negative on Chanhee’s side. All it proves is that Juyeon is too damn clingy. Demanding. Pessimistic.

Juyeon wipes the single tear that fell on his boyfriend’s cheek. “It’s not your fault, Hee. I’m sorry if it sounded like I was blaming you.”

“You should be.” Chanhee answers, his voice too hoarse for his words to sound like a joke, but Juyeon considers it to be one anyway. “I love you, Ju. You know that, right?”

Juyeon hums. “And I love you too. _So much_.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


(That night, with the television creating faint noises in the background and his cat Hwall sitting comfortably in his lap, Juyeon had finally made a decision. Don’t put any more expectations into their relationship and put more trust instead. Chanhee is his own person, not required to be by Juyeon’s side to shower him with love 24/7.

Juyeon is determined to make this relationship work, and so he will try to be more understanding of Chanhee’s situation. The barrier was his fault, and so he is willing to wait. Juyeon will wait for him. For everything to return to as what it is from the start.)

  
  


* * *

  
  


Juyeon clicks with Hyunjae better than he expected.

After the night at the party, the latter had become more of a recurring character in Juyeon’s life. He wasn’t just some guy Juyeon met twice anymore; he’s now a _friend_ , a person in the same level as Younghoon and Eunseo in his BFF Ranking. And he should have seen it coming — after the party, they continued to hang out, starting from Hyunjae reaching out to him while they were nursing their hung overs. It was just a simple invitation for basketball, soon followed by a competitive meet up in the arcade, and then a relaxed moment in a cafe, and before they knew it, they have now become inseparable.

Hyunjae can be quite loud and goofy, probably even obnoxious to the strangers around them, but Juyeon thinks that it is what makes Hyunjae charming in some way. The older is hyperaware, knows when there is something wrong and when to lift the mood up of the people around him. He does it so naturally and Juyeon is amazed every single time. Juyeon finds comfort in depending on Hyunjae whenever he has a hard time, and Eunseo even joked about Hyunjae replacing Chanhee in Juyeon’s life.

Speaking of Chanhee, Juyeon can say that he regrets only making that decision a few days ago — he should’ve thought about it since day 1. Ever since Juyeon realized that it was his fault why their relationship is a bit unstable, he and Chanhee have gotten closer, if it was still possible. There are still some events of ghosting and late reading of messages, but Juyeon is confident that everything is starting to go back to normal — something that all of his friends groaned at.

Chanhee once spotted him hanging out with Hyunjae in the fried chicken stall in front of the campus. The younger was with Changmin back then, an eyebrow raised when the face of the person Juyeon is talking to didn’t look familiar.

_“Baby.” Chanhee snuggles close to him, removing his fingers that were intertwined with Changmin’s own. He looks at Juyeon, and then to Hyunjae, and then back to him. “Who’s this?”_

_Even if they haven’t met personally before, Hyunjae had listened to the group’s rants and looked at Juyeon’s lockscreen and wallpaper long enough to know the identity of the newcomer. “You must be Chanhee.” The mentioned boy looks at him, deadpan. “I’m Hyunjae, I met Juyeon while_ _—_ _”_

_“We met at Younghoon-hyung’s party. The one that you were unable to attend.” Juyeon pipes. There is no way Juyeon will let his boyfriend know that he met Hyunjae on the day the younger stood him up. With the situation of their relationship right now, there’s nothing wrong with telling Chanhee that at all, but still._

Chanhee’s eyebrows were furrowed that day, and it gives Juyeon a sense of accomplishment to know that Chanhee is jealous. Because there is no other explanation but that, right? Chanhee is jealous of Hyunjae, and he’s pouting and shooting glares at practically everyone in the place because of it.

Juyeon found it funny to the point that he excused both himself and Chanhee so that they can go home early, leaving Changmin and Hyunjae alone. Looking back, it was quite rude, but Chanhee always makes Juyeon do all sorts of things.

_“I don’t like seeing you happy with him.”_ Chanhee had said when they arrived at Juyeon’s room. Juyeon only grinned and muttered an _“Is someone jealous?”_. The younger said nothing else and rolled his eyes instead.

They kissed, they laughed, and they spent the night huddled in each other’s arms. How Juyeon wished that they can stay like that forever.

On his phone screen, Hyunjae’s _“you need to make up for leaving me alone bc that actually hurts lol”_ text lights up before disappearing, an indication that the sender deleted the message.

* * *

  
  
  


“Hey.”

Juyeon closes his phone in order to focus all of his attention on the boy in front of him. Hyunjae is grinning, brown curly hair curled even more to portray the innocent, youthful look of the role he is portraying. His navy blue highschool uniform (only a costume, since their university doesn’t have official school uniforms) is slightly ruffled with the flowers he is desperately hugging. Now Juyeon knows what Eunseo meant when the girl told her that Hyunjae got the role of the “boy-next-door highschool sweetheart” in the short musical they will be showing today. The older one really looks like the type of boy that everyone is head over heels in love with in highschool.

He would be lying if he said that Hyunjae is anything but adorable, and he tells him so.

“Shut up. I don’t have any coins to give you.” Hyunjae chortles, but it’s obvious that he took Juyeon’s words as a compliment. He looks behind the younger, “Where’s your boyfriend?”

“At Changmin’s department. He’s helping him finish a project.”

“Again?” Younghoon appears. He gives Hyunjae a thumbs up after gazing at his costume from head to toe. “Jeez, how many projects do Changmin’s professors give them every month? Isn’t that illegal?”

Juyeon shrugs. “I guess it isn’t. Kevin said that a lot of those projects are just simple essays or surveys that can be easily done within a day.”

“So why is Chanhee still helping him?”

Juyeon looks at the taller, an exhausted look on his face mirroring Younghoon’s smug one. Juyeon’s not dumb. He knows where this conversation is going. “ _Hyung._ ”

Younghoon raises his hands. “What? Changmin isn’t some pre-schooler in need of help writing essays. If he has trouble with stuff like those then he wouldn’t even be in college right now.”

“You know how nice Chanhee is. And Changmin is his best friend.”

“I don’t know, Ju. Don’t you think it’s suspicious that Chanhee has been helping Changmin with his school work ever since, like, three months ago? They don’t even take the same course!”

Of course it’s suspicious. Juyeon had a lot of those thoughts before, had a lot of _what if_ ’s lingering in his mind, causing him to even lose sleep once in a while. But of course, he pays them no attention. He has a lot of trust put on Chanhee. Juyeon knows that his boyfriend wouldn’t dare to do such a thing to him.

And besides, they already have their fair share of fights ever since they started dating. Juyeon doesn’t want another one especially since their situation is getting better. Well, _kinda_ getting better.

Stupid? Pathetic? Submissive? Call him what you want, but Juyeon is adamant on his decisions.

There’s a little bit of tension in the air, with Juyeon preparing himself to receive another “dump him before he dumps you” speech from Younghoon. Because he knows it is going to happen. Juyeon knows his friends well enough and he knows how much they like meddling with his relationships and flings. But Hyunjae, thank god, caught on to the tension and placed himself between the two boys.

The brown-haired boy sighs. “Really, guys? Eunseo is going to flip out if she learns that you’re fighting _without_ her and a few minutes before the show _that she directed_ starts.”

“Right. I’ll be heading first to save us a seat, Ju.” Younghoon concedes. “Break a leg, Jae! Don’t forget to say ‘Macbeth’ before you go on stage.”

“Sick and twisted, Younghoon. You are sick and twisted.”

The oldest out of the three only laughs before waving them goodbye. Juyeon and Hyunjae watch his disappearing figure before resuming their conversation. Hyunjae looks at him, grinning. Juyeon finally notices the blush and fake freckles that the older is sporting. _Those suit him._

“You never told me what this show is all about.”

“You know we’re not allowed to give out spoilers.” Hyunjae chuckles. “You read the show description in the poster and that’s it.”

“I heard Eunseo told Bona the whole story in advance though.” Juyeon tries reasoning. Truth be told, he doesn’t really care. He just doesn’t want to go back to his seat yet.

“Yeah, because Bona is her girlfriend! You’re not my boyfriend ye— I mean, actors can’t spoil the whole thing to their friends. What’s the point of going then?”

Juyeon clicks his tongue. “Watching you perform?”

“You know what?” Hyunjae brushes his hair to the back, despite it being styled. Juyeon watches the strands bounce back to their original places. “Here’s a spoiler. At the end of act one, I’m going to do this solo that I'm really proud of and I really worked hard on it. Listen to it, yeah?”

“Of course, I will.”

“Promise me.” The older pouts before putting his pinky finger in front of him. Juyeon can only chuckle. “This is very childish of you, hyung.”

“Just do it. You watching me sing ‘Priority’ will mean everything to me.”

The actor's words definitely caught Juyeon off guard.

"That's a bit dramatic."

Hyunjae only shakes his head. "I'm serious, Juyeon-ah. You don’t know how happy you will make me feel.”

Lee Hyunjae is a stunning man, Juyeon knows that. With his chiseled nose and long eyelashes, there is no denying that the older is full of charms that one can easily fall into. The words that escaped from Hyunjae’s mouth along with the bright, oh so sweet smile on his face leaves some sort of feathery feeling inside him. Juyeon puts his hand in front of him, and Hyunjae high fived it before intertwining their fingers together. Juyeon gets caught off guard again.

“Watch me later, alright?”

* * *

Cue the second month after Juyeon decided to be more understanding, and he finds their relationship falling back to square one.

Well, not really. Chanhee still goes out of his way to spend time with him, just not as frequent as Juyeon hoped. But who is he to complain, anyway? What’s important is that he gets ghosted only once every two weeks now, and that the longest time it took Chanhee to read his message is five hours. Major improvement.

The problem is Chanhee may be physically there, but the younger’s mind is flying somewhere. Juyeon may be in love, but he’s not stupid. He knows that all of Chanhee’s attention isn’t focused on him the more dates they go to. The blonde’s hands may be cupping his face, his lips may be pressing against his own, but it just _isn’t it._ It feels different. Like something is lacking. And the more dates they go to, the more mentally distant Chanhee becomes.

The late textings are still late, but even those have “not very Chanhee’” labelled all over them.

**From: chanhee ♡ (4:36 PM)**

_you know i don’t like having a date on crowded areas. seriously?_

**To: chanhee ♡ (4:36 PM)**

_but i thought you already agreed that we would go there on saturday?_

**From: chanhee ♡ (4:51 PM)**

_maybe you said it in passing or i forgot. change the place please, juju? 🥺_

“That’s ridiculous. You already made a schedule for that place, right?” Younghoon asks, flabbergasted. They’re at the older’s room, just hanging around since exams are over and all of their schedules are void of any competitions or performances. Juyeon wants to use this chance to reconnect with Chanhee again but it seems like the boy's never-ending schedule is restricting him from doing so.

"I did. Guess I have to cancel it then."

Beside him, Hyunjae shifts. The older's hold on his arm tightens, his head leaning on Juyeon's shoulder. Juyeon is often told by a lot of people how broad his shoulders are and how secure it makes them feel when they rest on it. Guess Hyunjae is one of those people. "Or you can just tell him that you already made a reservation."

Juyeon winces. He did it once, and let's just say that Chanhee wasn't impressed for the rest of their date.

"Chanhee doesn't go if the venue is not exactly what he wanted. It's fine. I still have time to find another place."

"That's…" Younghoon trails off, trying to find the right word to use. "Very demanding of him."

Juyeon shakes his head. "No? He just wants our dates to be perfect."

"I don't think that's the case." Hyunjae joins in.

The three of them simultaneously flinched when Younghoon’s door barges open, revealing a very pissed Eunseo. The girl’s eyes are piercing, brows furrowed as she scours the room for someone that Juyeon thinks is him. And sure enough, when Eunseo spotted him laying on the bed, she immediately picked up the nearest object within arm’s reach (which is Younghoon’s BT21 plushie) and proceeded to throw it to Juyeon’s direction. He didn’t budge, since a stuffed toy doesn’t really hurt much, but the fire in Eunseo’s eyes is making him scared and confused.

The fire ignited even more when the younger girl repeatedly pointed her finger at him. “Y-you— You pathetic doormat! _I told you so!_ ”

“Son Juyeon, are you alright?”

The three of them becomes alarmed when their friend suddenly drops down to her knees, shoulders slightly shaking because she is… _crying?_

Younghoon is the first one to recover from the shock, because he immediately stands up and checks on her. “What’s the matter?”

A crying Eunseo is something that they don’t get to see everyday. It is embarrassing to admit but emotionally, Eunseo is stronger than all of them. Eunseo _rarely_ cries. Even when she got kicked out by her parents last year or when she got dumped by her girlfriend, Juyeon never once saw a tear escape from her eyes. So to see her bawling on the carpeted floor of Younghoon’s bedroom doesn’t make Juyeon feel alright. Something is wrong, he just knows it.

“Juyeon-ah. Why are you crying?” Younghoon continues to rub the younger’s back, and at this point Hyunjae and him also walk closer to help her calm down.

Juyeon freezes when Eunseo suddenly hugs him, his shoulder starting to get wet with the other’s tears. He mouths a _“what’s going on?”_ to the rest of his friends, but they just shrugged, confusion written all over their faces.

After a few more minutes in that position, Eunseo finally starts to talk. “You and Chanhee have been getting distant lately, right?”

_Oh. Is that the reason why she was crying?_

Not wanting to make his friend shed a few more tears, Juyeon swallows down his pride. He admits, “Yes.”

“But you guys went to see a movie yesterday?”

“How did you know?”

“How long?”

“What do you mean how long?”

“How long did that date take?”

“...I don’t know. Maybe two and a half hours? We went home right away.”

“Only two and a half hours after being M.I.A. for a week?” Eunseo repeats, pulling away from the hug. “Juyeon, please, break up with him.”

“ _What?_ ”

“You heard me. Break up with him. That guy doesn’t care about you anymore! You tried to fix this relationship and here you go being ignored again for the nth time this semester—”

Eunseo continues to blabber. She honestly looks like a mess right now with her tousled hair and tear-stained cheeks. Juyeon has to say her name in a rather loud voice just for her to stop talking. “Hey, what is exactly going on? Chanhee and I are okay. Our relationship is almost okay. He isn't ignoring me either—"

"Listen, Ju. Dump him. Don’t let yourself be wrapped around his finger for far too long. Chanhee doesn’t like you the same way you like him.”

Juyeon doesn’t understand why his friend is so persistent that he cuts ties with Chanhee. She convinces him to do so every once in a while, but usually she’s not _this_ persistent. “Eunseo—”

“Just do it!”

“Tell me the fucking reason why I should do it, Son Juyeon!”

Juyeon has always been told that he can be quite a doormat. That he always lets people step on him and his whole being easily. But when he’s had enough, then he’s had enough. Having Juyeon call you by your full name means that he is already fed up. So when Eunseo heard her full real name escape from Juyeon’s mouth, she immediately went silent. Hyunjae, hyperaware, holds on to Juyeon’s arm in an attempt to separate him from Eunseo. “I think we should—”

“He’s a manipulative son of a bitch that doesn’t love you at all.” Eunseo cuts him off, and Hyunjae makes a pleading face at her to not talk anymore and make it worse. But Eunseo is not one to back away easily.

“Your relationship isn’t the same anymore ever since his best friend transferred to this university. Look back at your relationship, in Chanhee’s behaviour, in _your_ behaviour, and you’ll know the reason why you should do it. That is, if you’re still not far up Chanhee’s ass.”

With that, Eunseo stands up and leaves. Younghoon shoots Hyunjae a knowing look before following their friend outside. Hyunjae can only sigh in exasperation as he looks at an annoyed Juyeon.

“That isn’t like her.” Juyeon starts. “At all. Did she see or know something for her to act like that?”

Beside him, Hyunjae stays silent. The other boy seems to be in deep thought, and it’s honestly annoying Juyeon even more. Suddenly it feels like everyone knows something that he doesn’t.

Juyeon purposely ignores Eunseo after their argument. It was difficult, since ignoring Eunseo means that he has to ignore Younghoon too, because they are a _Buy 1, Get 2_ trio that sticks with each other most of the time. Juyeon doesn’t really hold grudges or even fights with the two in the years they have been friends, so this whole ordeal is making him lonely, but Juyeon believes that he’s the right one here and so he continues to avoid her.

He doesn’t really understand why Eunseo (and to some extent, Younghoon) wants Juyeon to break up with Chanhee. What is going on inside her head? Does she like Chanhee? Does she hate seeing Juyeon happy? Juyeon doesn’t know, and he refuses to make amends with her unless she tells him the cause of her sudden outburst.

But Juyeon soon finds out the reason why.

“I don’t see how a kiss like that is considered platonic.”

Chanhee, seemingly unbothered, doesn’t even look Juyeon in the eye. His gaze is focused on his hands on his lap.

“Chanhee.” Juyeon calls him, his voice slightly cracking. “Friends don’t just kiss each other like that.”

He is pertaining to the sight that greeted him when he entered Chanhee’s apartment with the intention of picking him up for their date. He’s a half an hour early, excited to surprise the younger and spend extra time with him. Juyeon expected to see his boyfriend in the bedroom, fixing the outfit he is going to wear, or maybe in the kitchen, singing along to a ballad on his playlist while he makes himself a light snack.

Oh, Chanhee was in the kitchen all right. But he wasn’t alone. Juyeon found him leaning against the counter, his arms hooked around Changmin’s neck as they kiss in a way that is all too familiar for Juyeon — intense, full of love.

When three whole minutes have passed with Chanhee still not giving him any answers, Juyeon pulls out a chair for him to sit on. His knees are threatening to give up with how heavy the sick feeling he has in his heart right now.

“Chanhee—”

“Juyeon, why do you not believe me?” Chanhee finally looks at him, and Juyeon takes a sharp breath when he sees the younger’s eyes. They’re glassy, watery. “Baby, do you really think I would cheat on you?”

Juyeon hates this. He hates whenever Chanhee tears up because of him. “Chanhee, please. I may be in love with you but I’m not stupid.”

“I don’t like Changmin like that. I was just caught in my emotions that I ended up doing something that I really regret. I just… I was really lonely. Can you blame me?”

And then the first tear trails Chanhee’s cheek. Followed by a second one. Then another one. Juyeon’s fist tightens upon seeing his boyfriend in that state. “You could have talked to me. I’m willing to be beside you always, you know? Because I love you.”

“If you really love me then you wouldn’t question me. You would believe me immediately.”

“Chanhee—”

The younger raises his hand as if he’s not allowing Juyeon to speak. He wipes away his tears. “You know what? Let’s just break up.”

Juyeon can hear something inside him shatter. “What?”

“You heard me.” Chanhee is still crying and God knows how much Juyeon wants to take back his words and just hug the shorter boy until everything becomes okay again. “You overthink too much, Juyeon. You like to assume. Do you think I didn’t notice the disappointment and _suspicion_ in your voice whenever I cancel a plan or flat out reject you? _You_ keep hurting _me_ , may it be intentional or not. I can’t be with someone like you anymore.”

Juyeon is nonplussed. He watches as the blonde stands up and heads for the kitchen's exit, but Juyeon immediately grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to him. Chanhee struggled but Juyeon only tightened his grip. One thing led to another and now Chanhee is sitting on top of the kitchen counter, fingers desperately grabbing on Juyeon’s hair while Juyeon kisses the life out of him.

“I’m sorry.” Juyeon mutters when they parted. “I didn’t…even think of what you felt. I believe you.”

“Oh Yeonie.” The corners of Chanhee’s lips rise. “Thank you, _but I’m already tired of you_.”


End file.
